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An author in search of her pineapple

So, I don’t know if this is an author thing, a woman thing or a human thing. Maybe, it’s a nobody but me thing. But sometimes, I get an idea in my head and I just can’t let it go.


This happens a lot, so I’m not sure if it’s just the way I’m wired or what. But a few weeks ago, I got it in my head that I absolutely needed a decorative pineapple for my desk. I can’t explain to you where this idea came from. But it popped in my head and I became a woman on a mission.






I tried Amazon first, because that’s where all girls with a mission but no time to themselves go when they want something superfluous like a ceramic pineapple. And I found one. It was perfectly serviceable, but not quite what I wanted.


I checked TJ Maxx, Michaels, Home Goods, Hobby Lobby, Tuesday Morning…no pineapples. And mind you, I didn’t have time to actually search these places. I carved out ten to fifteen minutes chunks during grocery shopping or to/from the gym to “pop in” and check the pineapple situation.


Now, keep in mind, this was February. Not exactly prime ceramic summer fruit month. But I had to have one. My spectacularly messy desk would not be complete without it. I was starting to believe that I was going to have to buy the one from Amazon and just be happy.


For one, sad, moment, I actually considered just buying a real pineapple and changing it out every week.


Luckily my husband advised me what a stupid idea that was. (Yes, sometimes I have to be told. Guys, I have a lot of ideas.)


On this day, the day that could have forever been dubbed “resigned to the Amazon Pineapple day,” I broke my sunglasses.


I loved my sunglasses. They were the perfect size, the right amount of shading, and they had been crazy cheap. But alas, the arm snapped and they were no more.


Fortunately, I had a gift card to Kohl’s. I figured I would pop in, grab a pair of sunglasses and get out. But, when I got there, I picked up the sunglasses, the only thing not on sale of course, and I started to wonder…did Kohl’s carry ceramic pineapples? How do you even ask an associate that kind of question?


You don’t.


No, my friends. You just begin to wander. Kitchen, bath, boy’s clothing section…no pineapples.


Figuring this was another tropical fruit bust, I headed back for one more perusal of the sunglasses. Perhaps I had missed a cheaper pair. (I didn’t. $38.00 Vera Wang sunglasses, ugh.) So I turn to head to the checkout and BAM!


Literally, bam. I walked right into a small, round display table at the edge of the makeup department. It was an Easter themed Lauren Conrad stack out of jewelry holders. You know, like for the counter when you need to wash your hands?


But guys, guess what was there?


A small, ceramic, pink, fucking pineapple.


Not.


Even.


Joking.


Just right there. In the weirdest spot for it to be. On sale for $14.00.


I was so excited. Seriously. The universe wanted me to have this pineapple. So now, it sits on my desk, as intended, buried under so much crap I can’t even see it most days. But I know it’s there, and it makes my heart sing.


Don’t ever let anyone tell you what you can have. If you want something bad enough, you will always, always find a way to get it. Be it a literary contract with a New York publishing house, or a pink, fucking pineapple for your desk. Don’t give up on yourself. And don’t let others crush your spirit.


Buttercup, I believe in you. Now, I need you to believe in you, too.

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