The Truth About Procrastination
There are times when we need rest. When burnout is imminent...or already upon us, and we must slow down and take care of ourselves.
However, we do have a tendency to allow that rest to extend far beyond what is necessary and toe the line, or cross well over, into simple procrastination.
I've come to the realization that, for me, procrastination is quite simply a lack of respect for myself. Lack of respect for my goals. For my dreams. For my career. For my vision of what my future should look like.
There was a time when I would get up at four in the morning, go to the gym and run for two hours, then go work a nine hour day in a corporate job, come home to make dinner, clean up and then sit down and write in the evenings.
I would do this every day.
My alarm would go off and there would be no snooze. No hesitation to jump up, get dressed and head out the door.
This was only two years ago. And I was still managing to publish forty to fifty books a year, while maintaining a home, a separate career and taking care of my health.
So what changed?
First, I lost that corporate job that had become a piece of my identity for over fifteen years. I went from being one of the most valued, highly regarded people on the staff, to no longer necessary for them to survive.
Quite an ego blow.
Then, we decided to homeschool our son. And my identity shifted again. I became a housewife, a homeschool mom, and utterly isolated from humans outside of my internet connection.
Who the hell was I going to impress with my knowledge, with my skills, with my general ass-kickery now?
No one but myself.
And myself didn't feel worthy of it.
So, for two years I've been steadily declining in the areas of my life where I most wanted to excel. In publishing books at a rapid rate. In making real income. In being physically fit and strong and fast.
In short, I gave up on myself. I lost the self-love and self-respect that I'd scratched and clawed and worked my way up to for years. I let it slip away as if it didn't matter.
And now, I sit here, day in and day out and allow my procrastination to beat me, because I've stopped feeling as if my dreams, my goals, my visions for my future no longer matter.
Which is bullshit.
How many times have you broken a promise to yourself? How many times have you told yourself you would do something, written a plan down, and let it slip away in favor of things that are more important to other people.
We have to stop being so accountable to others, and start holding ourselves accountable to ourselves.
We have to get back to a place where we show ourselves love and respect by following through on the things that truly matter to us.
I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have a life that I love and a career that makes me money. I deserve to run marathons and train for things and reach for things that are just for me...and for no one else.
And I decide, right now, that I am going to love myself enough to stop dicking around and start doing the hard work again.
What about you?